she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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