so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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