We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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