I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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