Where are you?
In a non slutty way
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
