You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
