you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
