Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
