i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
