I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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