i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
