Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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