The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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