when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
