when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
