Soap is not a condiment
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Randomize
