Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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