I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
