Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
