At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Semen is not good for contacts.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
