Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she looked like the before picture.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
