all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
