who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
