Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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