Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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