It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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