Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
