in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Barsexuality is the new black.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
