the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
