I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
