my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
