My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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