WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
