girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
