All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
