you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
