Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
