She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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