Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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