You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
