My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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