Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
