And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
