im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
