I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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