Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
