We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Drunk is not a location!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
