Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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