i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
