yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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