That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
