i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
